my anus is godot

Since the credit card machine at Kasane was out of order, we had to pay for a fuel load with cash. We both had brought a lot of US dollars along for just such a case, but between the fuel load and the new passport visa fees into Zambia, we were on the verge of being cash-dollar poor, so I’ve started to become really stingy when it comes to spending US dollars.

We really wanted to ride some African elephants, despite it being one of those cheesy tourist activities. The elephant park in Zambia was full, but just across the border in dreaded Zimbabwe, there was the sister franchise for the local game park. So, off we went this morning at 5am.

So far, I really like Zimbabwe. Perhaps Zambia and I got off on the wrong foot (staying in a tourist hotel in Africa makes me feel like a mark, and then paying US$100 per-person to ride some elephants made me feel even more like a mark). However, when I realized how many different people we were supporting, I started to feel somewhat better about it. We had a Zambia driver and a Zimbabwe driver who both helped us through immigration and customs, drove us 30km to the franchise, then there were 11 different elephants available to ride, photographers, trainers, etc.

Tourism in Zimbabwe is _way_ down. The place we went was clearly set up to handle a few dozen people at a time, and we totaled five. Everyone was very nice, proud, and not subservient like in South Africa. While their economy is totally screwed, they are making due as best as they can. There are still a fair number of white people there acting in specialist roles (videographer, vets, et al) but they seem to have pragmatically accepted that they’re not colonial lords anymore and are there because Zim is their home. I spoke to my elephant guide for an hour or so, trying to avoid politics, but we did discuss the economy and how they make do with a currency that is rapidly inflating. He works 40 days on, then has 10 days off. He has to travel 1000km to go home to visit his family. By train, 2 days each way, at 1 billion ZB$, or by bus (1 day) at 2.5B ZB$ (about 20USD). I asked him how he gets money to his wife in her village before it goes worthless. Obvious answer, shared ATM cards and he calls her. Just when you think people are stuck in the stone age, you get slapped in the face. You can use an ATM in Zimbabwe, but you can’t get magnets.

I suspect if the MDC win the run-off elections, Zimbabwe is going to rapidly recover and could become another African powerhouse next to Kenya and SA. That said, I still love Botswana, who has no pretensions of doing anything other than doing what’s best for its people..

This place is so beautiful in a totally different way than the Kalahari. I can’t believe we’re only 100 miles away. There is water everywhere here, fresh, and clean. You can drink right out of the delta, assuming the hippos and crocs don’t get you.

The only practical way here is to fly in. There are more Cessna 206’s flying into Maun airport than just about anywhere else in the world. They deliver packages, food, and mail to the two dozen camps in the delta area.

While we were on the runway, a truck pulled up and asked us if we were going to Shinde. We said yes and they proceeded to unload about 120lbs of fresh veggies and mail to take out to the camp. Luckily we had a group of four planes, so we all took a share of the veggies and I took the mail. Now I’m an official African Bush mail pilot!

There are game animals and predators everywhere. The place we are going, the Shinde lodge, is a collection of tents. Five star tents, built on teak platforms with lots of running water, hot showers, excellent cooking, and lots of alcohol. The British who colonized Africa must have been major drunks, because there are so many artificial drinking events (every evening has a Sundowner, where you stop, watch the sun going down, and break out the gin and tonics).

Went out on a boat into the delta and got some good photos of birds and hippos, otherwise not much on the first night. Saw two hippos fighting each other in the water. They are insanely fast. No matter how stupid they look on land, you do not want to screw with a hippo in the water.

Spoke to a few of our guides about life in Botswana. They have a lot to be proud of and they put a lot of faith in their government, which seems to be about as benign a government as you can get. The Botswana way is to work through collaboration and community, and people seem to cut each other a lot of slack.

There are private concessions here that manage the delta resources. They’re given 15 year leases on the land, and the bids for the leases is extremely competitive (sealed blind bids). They typically include packages to support the local communities and their infrastructure, have strict conservation pledges, social pledges (bringing Botswanan kids out to the delta for field trips) and pay a fair bit of taxes to the central government which is redistributed into the education system. They realize that Ecotourism is the way to go, and the government appears to be fostering that transition in a free-market way that still benefits the locals.

Botswana is missing something that SA has in abundance, razor wire. In SA. I felt like we were moving from compound to compound through a war zone. There is almost no crime here because a pickpocket or thief, if one is stupid enough to commit a crime, is going to get his ass kicked by everyone around that hears a shout of alarm.

This morning, we woke up, and a hippo was walking by our tent, not 15 feet away. We went out on the deck and watched it. it looked at us, and we all decided it was too early in the morning to kill each other, which was a good thing, because hippos can be insane and violent. Oh, you can’t help but laugh when you see one walking on land. I can’t describe it but it’s totally comical.

Made it into Johannesburg. Staying at a nice B&B near Lanseria airport. My jetlag is awful and I need to start flight tests in the morning to validate my American license in South Africa.

In SA, in the winter, there is never a cloud in the sky, it’s perfect weather.

Except for the past few years. I’m dodging thunderstorms today, jet lagged, in a Cessna 182 that is almost as old as I am and has instruments from the 70s. Thanks global warming, big wet fuzzy kisses to you.

Next day: License validated, I can now run off around the world flying South African registered aircraft for the next five years. Scary.

Met our hosts, really awesome folks, Nick and Christina Hanks, and their niece Charlotte. I have a good feeling about these guys, I think this is going to work out OK if I don’t kill us. The other pilots and their wives are pretty cool. Canadian couple and a Belgian couple living in Cyprus.

South Africa is totally fucked up. Everyone here is absolutely nice and wonderful, but the segregation is still overwhelming. Almost every house has bars and razor wire surrounding it, security is heavy, because the poverty is so high. If it’s not locked up, someone’s going to steal it. At our B&B, the visible staff is all black, including the manager, a great guy named Moses. Only Moses seems the slightest bit self empowered. I accidentally ran into a waiter and apologized to him and he couldn’t stop apologizing to me, even when I said it was totally my fault. That said, the quality of life here, if you are white and have even a little money, are quite good, probably better than home. I could see people wanting to retire here if they could get used to it.

Julie is going into Soweto to see how the other 95% live while I continue my SA license validations. We’ve got some friends of our host who do volunteer work there, so she’s going to get the inside scoop, not the tourist bullshit. I wish I was going too, but everything here just takes a fuck-load of time.

African tip: “Just now” means between now and a few days from now. “Now now” means now. “I’ll bring the car around to meet you, just now” means go have lunch while waiting for your rental car.